In the last few decades there has been much intensive research on child development and attachment theory aided by the use of videotaping of the moment by moment interactions between mother and child. (see the work of Daniel Stern and Beatrice Beebe). Even at this very early stage in a child's life, the way a parent interacts and responds can have a profound effect on their child's development. Being very attuned to your child's emotional states and responding appropriately can help them to grow up with a feeling of security that their needs will be met and their feelings heeded.
Ensuring this requires getting the balance right between being present and available to your child and knowing when to back off. Even infants need space to learn to self- regulate and manage their emotions. Too much stimulation causes their heart rate to increase and can result in their turning away from you briefly to calm themselves down. The videotapes of the mothers and their infants show that this is not always easy for parents, who can feel dejected when their baby turns away from them. This is especially true for depressed mothers.
There is a burgeoning field of infant-mother therapy that has developed to work with new mothers who are struggling with depression and other difficulties.
The research clearly shows, though, that learning to follow your child's cues is one of the most important things you can do for them starting when they are newborns. You don't have to do it perfectly or all the time, but just enough for your baby to know and feel that you can read her. This results in the feeling of safety and security they need to grow.
To a large extent this is true of all the stages of your child's development. Being attuned to them, but not overbearing or intrusive is the stance that usually works best. This helps them learn to regulate and be in control of their feelings.
More than teaching them facts and information, affect regulation is the most important skill they need. Sadly, the world is filled with people who do this poorly and who have learned to sooth themselves with food, drugs, alcohol and the myriad of things we know are available.
Knowing how to do this well can be hard for those whose own parents were unable to do it for them. This is one of the ways trauma is transmitted from generation to generation and gets passed down. Parents who do not acknowledge to themselves how difficult their own childhoods were are especially prone to this. Therapy can be vital in these situations and can address these issues. A helpful book to read on this topic is by Daniel Siegel, Parenting From the Inside-Out.
Psychotherapy itself has been deeply influenced by this research. The relationship between the patient and the therapist is thought to be a mirror of the parent- child relationship with some of the same attachment issues involved. Therapists try to create an environment where the patient feels safe and secure in order to work through those issues that linger from childhood.
Ensuring this requires getting the balance right between being present and available to your child and knowing when to back off. Even infants need space to learn to self- regulate and manage their emotions. Too much stimulation causes their heart rate to increase and can result in their turning away from you briefly to calm themselves down. The videotapes of the mothers and their infants show that this is not always easy for parents, who can feel dejected when their baby turns away from them. This is especially true for depressed mothers.
There is a burgeoning field of infant-mother therapy that has developed to work with new mothers who are struggling with depression and other difficulties.
The research clearly shows, though, that learning to follow your child's cues is one of the most important things you can do for them starting when they are newborns. You don't have to do it perfectly or all the time, but just enough for your baby to know and feel that you can read her. This results in the feeling of safety and security they need to grow.
To a large extent this is true of all the stages of your child's development. Being attuned to them, but not overbearing or intrusive is the stance that usually works best. This helps them learn to regulate and be in control of their feelings.
More than teaching them facts and information, affect regulation is the most important skill they need. Sadly, the world is filled with people who do this poorly and who have learned to sooth themselves with food, drugs, alcohol and the myriad of things we know are available.
Knowing how to do this well can be hard for those whose own parents were unable to do it for them. This is one of the ways trauma is transmitted from generation to generation and gets passed down. Parents who do not acknowledge to themselves how difficult their own childhoods were are especially prone to this. Therapy can be vital in these situations and can address these issues. A helpful book to read on this topic is by Daniel Siegel, Parenting From the Inside-Out.
Psychotherapy itself has been deeply influenced by this research. The relationship between the patient and the therapist is thought to be a mirror of the parent- child relationship with some of the same attachment issues involved. Therapists try to create an environment where the patient feels safe and secure in order to work through those issues that linger from childhood.
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